I'm Lying About My Diagnosis

There is a secret about mental illness that no one talks about. It is something that not all, but many people with a mental illness believe. It is buried deep in our souls and we barely whisper it to professionals, support groups or therapists out of fear and embarrassment. It is a question that some of us have that we may never believe we have an answer to.

If you go into any internet mental health support group and search for "Am I lying about my diagnosis?", you will get possibly pages of people asking the group to see if it's possible to subconsciously fake being mentally ill. Over and over, people question their diagnosis even if it's been reaffirmed by multiple doctors or has been long standing. Despite years of medication, therapy and doctors, some people still question if their experience is all a big lie for attention or pity. 

People that live with a mental illness begin to have symptoms in childhood or early adulthood, long before a diagnosis or treatment. Those who have lived a life with Bipolar Disorder may question if they genuinely have the disorder or if they are fabricating a dramatic tale. A person that deals with Depression may ultimately believe they are inventing their symptoms. And while you may attempt to assure this person that they aren't making up being mentally ill for attention, they will likely still hold the belief that it is all really a big sham.

The effects of believing their mental illness is not genuine may lead some people to halting medication, skipping appointments, ignoring advice and guidance and it may possibly lead to self isolation and depression which further complicates their condition.

While we know that many people with a mental illness question their diagnosis, the question of this phenomenon is why? It is not a true DSM symptom of being mentally ill although it is noted in some books and publications which indicates that it is a common occurrence to some degree. But what is it that causes all of these people to question their diagnosis even after the tests, doctors and support? What causes them to question it all and stop taking their medication?

Also, common within the mental illness community is the experience of being told that the symptoms are calls for attention or special treatment. People with a mental illness are told over and over that they are faking it for attention or their symptoms are just theatrics. Friends, family and even medical professionals doubt people's symptoms and diagnosis. So it is no wonder that after years of being told it's all just a game, people begin to believe it.

Symptoms beginning as a young child may be met with rolling eyes and sighs as the belief that the child is just acting out grows. As the child ages, they will internalize the comments and eye brow raising and over time, a seed will grow which will tell them that they are truly making it all up for attention or they are just being immature. The younger the symptoms start, the more difficult it is to compare life before a mental illness developed so while those who develop depression in their 20's may feel confident in their diagnosis, a person who developed Borderline Personality Disorder in childhood may question the validity of their diagnosis as they do not know what it feels like to not have symptoms of a mental illness.

A person that lives with depression may question if they genuinely have the symptoms or if they are simply just "lazy". But when people are depressed, they become so depressed that they skip meals because they are too unmotivated to simply get food. In extreme cases, severely depressed people may urinate on themselves because they are too unmotivated to go to the bathroom. A severely depressed person may isolate themselves in their bedroom and cut off contact with friends and family. Imitating these symptoms would be near impossible for someone that doesn't experience them in just the same sense as it is impossible to imagine life without depression if you've always experienced it. 

Our natural human instinct is to eat, have fun, be social and survive. Thinking of your own death should make you flinch while a suicidal person can't stop thinking about it. A mentally ill person may lay in bed for 16 hours and stare at the wall while a person who is mentally well would rather get up and participate in enjoying their life. A person that is mentally ill may eat so much that they vomit while a person that is mentally well would reject food if they were full. The behaviors and emotions of those that are mentally ill are inherently abnormal and believing that people carry on a years long "lie" of maintaining abnormal behavior and emotions simply for other's pity is simply disgusting and damaging to the mental health community.

People with a mental illness need to be met with understanding. When a person says they hear voices, they should not be questioned or doubted. When a child shows symptoms of anxiety, they should not be pushed into situations with the belief that it's all made up for attention. When a new mom expresses dark feelings and emotions, she should not be questioned or have the duty of having to prove herself. People who have a mental illness need the support of those around them, not for those to question their experience and the validity of their diagnosis. Carrying on with the lie that mental illness is really "all in your head" directly contributes to stopped or discontinued treatment which may lead to injury or death. It is a major part of the stigmatization of mental illness and questioning a diagnosis further spreads the message that mental illness isn't real.