I'm Lying About My Diagnosis

There is a secret about mental illness that no one talks about. It is something that not all, but many people with a mental illness believe. It is buried deep in our souls and we barely whisper it to professionals, support groups or therapists out of fear and embarrassment. It is a question that some of us have that we may never believe we have an answer to.

If you go into any internet mental health support group and search for "Am I lying about my diagnosis?", you will get possibly pages of people asking the group to see if it's possible to subconsciously fake being mentally ill. Over and over, people question their diagnosis even if it's been reaffirmed by multiple doctors or has been long standing. Despite years of medication, therapy and doctors, some people still question if their experience is all a big lie for attention or pity. 

People that live with a mental illness begin to have symptoms in childhood or early adulthood, long before a diagnosis or treatment. Those who have lived a life with Bipolar Disorder may question if they genuinely have the disorder or if they are fabricating a dramatic tale. A person that deals with Depression may ultimately believe they are inventing their symptoms. And while you may attempt to assure this person that they aren't making up being mentally ill for attention, they will likely still hold the belief that it is all really a big sham.

The effects of believing their mental illness is not genuine may lead some people to halting medication, skipping appointments, ignoring advice and guidance and it may possibly lead to self isolation and depression which further complicates their condition.

While we know that many people with a mental illness question their diagnosis, the question of this phenomenon is why? It is not a true DSM symptom of being mentally ill although it is noted in some books and publications which indicates that it is a common occurrence to some degree. But what is it that causes all of these people to question their diagnosis even after the tests, doctors and support? What causes them to question it all and stop taking their medication?

Also, common within the mental illness community is the experience of being told that the symptoms are calls for attention or special treatment. People with a mental illness are told over and over that they are faking it for attention or their symptoms are just theatrics. Friends, family and even medical professionals doubt people's symptoms and diagnosis. So it is no wonder that after years of being told it's all just a game, people begin to believe it.

Symptoms beginning as a young child may be met with rolling eyes and sighs as the belief that the child is just acting out grows. As the child ages, they will internalize the comments and eye brow raising and over time, a seed will grow which will tell them that they are truly making it all up for attention or they are just being immature. The younger the symptoms start, the more difficult it is to compare life before a mental illness developed so while those who develop depression in their 20's may feel confident in their diagnosis, a person who developed Borderline Personality Disorder in childhood may question the validity of their diagnosis as they do not know what it feels like to not have symptoms of a mental illness.

A person that lives with depression may question if they genuinely have the symptoms or if they are simply just "lazy". But when people are depressed, they become so depressed that they skip meals because they are too unmotivated to simply get food. In extreme cases, severely depressed people may urinate on themselves because they are too unmotivated to go to the bathroom. A severely depressed person may isolate themselves in their bedroom and cut off contact with friends and family. Imitating these symptoms would be near impossible for someone that doesn't experience them in just the same sense as it is impossible to imagine life without depression if you've always experienced it. 

Our natural human instinct is to eat, have fun, be social and survive. Thinking of your own death should make you flinch while a suicidal person can't stop thinking about it. A mentally ill person may lay in bed for 16 hours and stare at the wall while a person who is mentally well would rather get up and participate in enjoying their life. A person that is mentally ill may eat so much that they vomit while a person that is mentally well would reject food if they were full. The behaviors and emotions of those that are mentally ill are inherently abnormal and believing that people carry on a years long "lie" of maintaining abnormal behavior and emotions simply for other's pity is simply disgusting and damaging to the mental health community.

People with a mental illness need to be met with understanding. When a person says they hear voices, they should not be questioned or doubted. When a child shows symptoms of anxiety, they should not be pushed into situations with the belief that it's all made up for attention. When a new mom expresses dark feelings and emotions, she should not be questioned or have the duty of having to prove herself. People who have a mental illness need the support of those around them, not for those to question their experience and the validity of their diagnosis. Carrying on with the lie that mental illness is really "all in your head" directly contributes to stopped or discontinued treatment which may lead to injury or death. It is a major part of the stigmatization of mental illness and questioning a diagnosis further spreads the message that mental illness isn't real.

How to Support Your Partner Battling Mental Illness

Part of being in a partnership with someone is dealing with the difficult times along with the easy times. It is easy to love someone when times are good. It takes minimal effort to show affection and happiness is all around. But it is the difficult moments that makes a partnership challenging. It is when their world falls to their feet and they need someone to catch them as they fall, that they need you the most. The times when all is hopeless and they are in the depths of rock bottom, it is then that your partnership matters the most.

When your partner lives with a mental illness, it can be incredibly intimidating. Supporting them through their symptoms may leave you feeling confused and not helpful. This will be a challenge in your relationship but if navigated correctly by both parties, the partnership can blossom from the bond that has grown as a result of the challenges you have faced together.

When a person has a mental illness, their emotions, behavior and thoughts are impacted. It can be confusing as a simple event or situation can cause a dramatic breakdown or they may push you away when they actually need you the most. The misinterpretations leads to poor communication and arguments may ensue as well as hurt feelings. This can leave you wondering what to do when you partner has a mental illness and how to best support them. Here are some tips:

1) Clean the house. Often times, a mental illness or condition such as depression can put adult responsibilities on hold. Dishes may stack up and something as simple as cleaning out the cat box can be overwhelming and simply not possible at times. A cluttered house can increase anxiety and may lead to more depression due to being overwhelmed. A load of dishes and quick vacuum may at least make your partner feel less anxious and more comfortable.

2) If your partner is anxious about something, talk to them about their fears. When a person is anxious, they tend to focus on the worst case scenario. It can be helpful if you become the voice of reason and attempt to dismantle their anxiety by breaking down their fears. Talk to them about their anxiety and help them see the reality of the situation instead of a potential catastrophe.

3) Your partner may struggle to follow their treatment plan. Juggling multiple appointments and medications can be overwhelming and a person with a mental illness may even reject treatment at times. If they need help, you can remind them to take their medication or encourage them if they are resisting. You can also attend appointments with them if they need an advocate. Picking up their medication at the pharmacy may be helpful as well as knowing which side effects to look for. It is important that you both come to an agreement of doing your own part in their path of wellness as your effort is just as important as theirs. They may need encouragement to stick to their treatment plan and having positive support can make a huge difference.

4) Come up with nonverbal cues that your partner can use to communicate with you. An example of this is if you are attending a social event and your partner wants to go home immediately but is unable to communicate this with you, they can discreetly pat your hand or arm quickly three times to communicate with you. Making eye contact and giving "the look" can also help communicate this immediate need to depart a social event. Another example of this would be them squeezing your hand if they feel a panic attack coming on but are unable to verbally communicate.

5) Find out what helps ease their panic attacks. Some people enjoy being bear hugged during a panic attack while others may lock themselves in their room. As you support them during and after panic attacks, take note of what triggered it and what helped ease it, if anything. Explore possibilities such as a weighted blanket or a phone app for meditation.

6) Write your partner a love letter for them to read when they are feeling down. It is common to be unable to recall what happiness feels like when a person is depressed. They may even forget the good qualities of themselves. Writing them a love letter can help refresh their emotions and remind them of your support and love towards them. Having a physical copy means that they can pull it out when they need it on difficult days.

7) Be open with communication and find what works for them. Maybe just a quick phone call can help them or talking through text throughout the day. However, some people with a mental illness have a difficult time respecting boundaries so it may be necessary to agree on boundaries such as not calling during work hours.

8) Offer to take over tasks that they are having a difficult time with. They may shy away from the public and hate grocery shopping or they may fear the crowded post office. It can be helpful to help with errands during difficult times. It can also be helpful when a certain chore is taken out of their hands which can dramatically reduce their daily stress which may include cooking dinner in the evenings or paying the bills.

9) Encourage self care. Self care is anything from eating healthy to taking time to read a book. Help them find what works for them and encourage them to have a self care day on difficult days. Bubble baths can be a great stress relief and accompanying them on a walk may get them out of the house on a routine basis. 

10) Listen to them. Sometimes they will only be able to answer "yes" or "no" questions while other times their mind is racing. Either way, listen to them. When a person is severely depressed, every word takes effort to think about and speak. Listen to their carefully chosen words. If they express fear or embarrassment, listen to them. Sometimes all they need is for someone to listen to them.

11) Take every crisis seriously. All suicidal threats should be taken seriously. If your partner is in crisis, help them find immediate help which may be a crisis line, a hospital or a doctor. Find out what the local crisis numbers are and write them down. 

12) Give them their space or reassurance. They may push and pull during your relationship and it's important to allow them to have their space when the need it but also calm their fears if they need reassurance of your support or feelings. 

13) Take care of yourself. Having a partner with a mental illness can be incredibly taxing at times and it's important that you take care of your own mental health. If you need additional help, find out who can also help you care for your partner in a crisis situation. Take time for yourself to clear your mind and find ways to relax. Set boundaries and limits if necessary in some situations.

Supporting a partner living with a mental illness can be exhausting but also an opportunity to strengthen your bond and build your relationship. Keeping open communication and giving them encouragement can be the difference of a successful and unsuccessful treatment plan. While the medications and therapies help a lot, it is the support of those around them that help them along their path of wellness. By being a supportive partner, you can give them the encouragement and love that they need and you can battle the mental illness together as a team.

Depression Is Letting The Dishes Stack Up

Depression is letting the dishes stack up for a week. Depression is eating a chunk of cheddar cheese and a spoonful of peanut butter for breakfast because you are too unmotivated to prepare food. Depression smells because you haven't showered in five days. Unanswered emails, unfinished projects, dropped plans, incomplete attempts; depression is abandoning. It is sleepy and cold.

Depression is calling in sick to work with "a headache" even though you want to explain that you have been crying on the bathroom floor all morning, but you don't. It is ignoring homework, bills, obligations and standards. It is all consuming and suffocating. Depression is feeling like a failure, a burden, an embarrassment. It is being ashamed, apologetic and hating yourself. Depression is being so deep in the pit of despair that the only way out seems to be ending it all.

Depression is laying in bed for 13 hours and staring at the ceiling fan. It is sleeping too much or not at all. Eating too much or not at all. Depression is losing the will to breathe. It is matted hair, overflowing trash cans, lost jobs and lost friendships. Depression is gained weight, lost weight, low self esteem and millions of tear drops. It is wanting to sleep for 1,000 years. Depression is lonely.

Depression does not ask for much, nor does it draw attention to itself. It lurks in the shadows of the room, hiding behind the curtains and false smiles. Depression fools those around it into thinking that everything is fine. It is a liar. Depression hides behind closed doors. It hides behind excuses and explanations. It is skipping dates, not returning phone calls, pushing people away and losing the will to go on.

Depression is feeling hopeless, unlovable, undesirable and not good enough. It is feeling desperate, inadequate, worthless and a waste of space. It is losing hope. It is being alone, scared and so very tired. Depression is losing the desire to see the future and hating the present. Depression is dirty floors, failed tests, overflowing laundry and a nap that lasts all day. It is painful, bleak, heartbreaking and soul crushing. It is one word answers and an indifferent shrug.

Depression is ignored, hidden and lied about. It is punished, shamed, frowned upon and ridiculed. Depression is misunderstood as laziness, selfishness and pity seeking. It is shoved to the side, pushed away and turned away.

Depression is all around. It screams from the painting and shouts from the songs. Depression lurks in diaries and journals, novels and photographs. It runs down cheeks, is whispered on lips but often left to the wind. Depression is in a friend, a coworker, a daughter or an uncle. Depression is a young child. Depression is in the mirror.