How to Support Your Partner Battling Mental Illness

Part of being in a partnership with someone is dealing with the difficult times along with the easy times. It is easy to love someone when times are good. It takes minimal effort to show affection and happiness is all around. But it is the difficult moments that makes a partnership challenging. It is when their world falls to their feet and they need someone to catch them as they fall, that they need you the most. The times when all is hopeless and they are in the depths of rock bottom, it is then that your partnership matters the most.

When your partner lives with a mental illness, it can be incredibly intimidating. Supporting them through their symptoms may leave you feeling confused and not helpful. This will be a challenge in your relationship but if navigated correctly by both parties, the partnership can blossom from the bond that has grown as a result of the challenges you have faced together.

When a person has a mental illness, their emotions, behavior and thoughts are impacted. It can be confusing as a simple event or situation can cause a dramatic breakdown or they may push you away when they actually need you the most. The misinterpretations leads to poor communication and arguments may ensue as well as hurt feelings. This can leave you wondering what to do when you partner has a mental illness and how to best support them. Here are some tips:

1) Clean the house. Often times, a mental illness or condition such as depression can put adult responsibilities on hold. Dishes may stack up and something as simple as cleaning out the cat box can be overwhelming and simply not possible at times. A cluttered house can increase anxiety and may lead to more depression due to being overwhelmed. A load of dishes and quick vacuum may at least make your partner feel less anxious and more comfortable.

2) If your partner is anxious about something, talk to them about their fears. When a person is anxious, they tend to focus on the worst case scenario. It can be helpful if you become the voice of reason and attempt to dismantle their anxiety by breaking down their fears. Talk to them about their anxiety and help them see the reality of the situation instead of a potential catastrophe.

3) Your partner may struggle to follow their treatment plan. Juggling multiple appointments and medications can be overwhelming and a person with a mental illness may even reject treatment at times. If they need help, you can remind them to take their medication or encourage them if they are resisting. You can also attend appointments with them if they need an advocate. Picking up their medication at the pharmacy may be helpful as well as knowing which side effects to look for. It is important that you both come to an agreement of doing your own part in their path of wellness as your effort is just as important as theirs. They may need encouragement to stick to their treatment plan and having positive support can make a huge difference.

4) Come up with nonverbal cues that your partner can use to communicate with you. An example of this is if you are attending a social event and your partner wants to go home immediately but is unable to communicate this with you, they can discreetly pat your hand or arm quickly three times to communicate with you. Making eye contact and giving "the look" can also help communicate this immediate need to depart a social event. Another example of this would be them squeezing your hand if they feel a panic attack coming on but are unable to verbally communicate.

5) Find out what helps ease their panic attacks. Some people enjoy being bear hugged during a panic attack while others may lock themselves in their room. As you support them during and after panic attacks, take note of what triggered it and what helped ease it, if anything. Explore possibilities such as a weighted blanket or a phone app for meditation.

6) Write your partner a love letter for them to read when they are feeling down. It is common to be unable to recall what happiness feels like when a person is depressed. They may even forget the good qualities of themselves. Writing them a love letter can help refresh their emotions and remind them of your support and love towards them. Having a physical copy means that they can pull it out when they need it on difficult days.

7) Be open with communication and find what works for them. Maybe just a quick phone call can help them or talking through text throughout the day. However, some people with a mental illness have a difficult time respecting boundaries so it may be necessary to agree on boundaries such as not calling during work hours.

8) Offer to take over tasks that they are having a difficult time with. They may shy away from the public and hate grocery shopping or they may fear the crowded post office. It can be helpful to help with errands during difficult times. It can also be helpful when a certain chore is taken out of their hands which can dramatically reduce their daily stress which may include cooking dinner in the evenings or paying the bills.

9) Encourage self care. Self care is anything from eating healthy to taking time to read a book. Help them find what works for them and encourage them to have a self care day on difficult days. Bubble baths can be a great stress relief and accompanying them on a walk may get them out of the house on a routine basis. 

10) Listen to them. Sometimes they will only be able to answer "yes" or "no" questions while other times their mind is racing. Either way, listen to them. When a person is severely depressed, every word takes effort to think about and speak. Listen to their carefully chosen words. If they express fear or embarrassment, listen to them. Sometimes all they need is for someone to listen to them.

11) Take every crisis seriously. All suicidal threats should be taken seriously. If your partner is in crisis, help them find immediate help which may be a crisis line, a hospital or a doctor. Find out what the local crisis numbers are and write them down. 

12) Give them their space or reassurance. They may push and pull during your relationship and it's important to allow them to have their space when the need it but also calm their fears if they need reassurance of your support or feelings. 

13) Take care of yourself. Having a partner with a mental illness can be incredibly taxing at times and it's important that you take care of your own mental health. If you need additional help, find out who can also help you care for your partner in a crisis situation. Take time for yourself to clear your mind and find ways to relax. Set boundaries and limits if necessary in some situations.

Supporting a partner living with a mental illness can be exhausting but also an opportunity to strengthen your bond and build your relationship. Keeping open communication and giving them encouragement can be the difference of a successful and unsuccessful treatment plan. While the medications and therapies help a lot, it is the support of those around them that help them along their path of wellness. By being a supportive partner, you can give them the encouragement and love that they need and you can battle the mental illness together as a team.